I follow a Blog writer called Mark Manson. He is a modern day preacher of past philosophy.
From his writing, he has a broad perspective on functioning in today’s intricate society rules.
He wrote an article about not changing yourself and I couldn’t put the words together better myself so asked for permission to use an excerpt:
Most of us who feel stuck in certain habits are stuck because we’re emotionally embedded in unhealthy behaviors.
A smoker doesn’t just smoke cigarettes. They develop a whole identity around smoking. It alters their social life, their eating and sleeping habits, how they see themselves and others. They become “the smoker” to their friends and family. They develop a relationship with cigarettes the same way you and I develop a relationship with a pet or a favorite toy.
When someone decides to “change” themselves and quit smoking, they are essentially attempting to “change” their entire identity—all of the relationships, habits, and assumptions that have gone into X years of doing a singular thing. No wonder they fail.
The trick to quitting smoking (or to changing any habit) is to recognize that your identity—that elaborate mental framework you devised in your mind and labeled “me”—doesn’t actually exist. It is arbitrary. It is a facade. And it can be raised or dropped at will. You are not a smoker. You are a person who chooses to smoke. You are not a night person. You are a person who chooses to be active at night and sleep through the morning. You are not unproductive. You are a person who currently chooses to do things that do not feel useful. You are not unloveable. You are a person who currently feels unloved.
Do you identify with yourself as “A Barrel Racer”? What does that term or label mean to you? Start by removing any labels you have placed on yourself or others have placed on you as a rider, barrel racer, competitor etc.
It is not WHO you are, it is WHAT you do. I am Samantha Winslow and I enjoy barrel racing, teaching, coaching competing and riding.
The first emotion I felt when I started learning new things was guilt. I felt so bad for the way I had ridden my horse in the past and asked them to travel both on the pattern and off. A friend then helped me by saying the simple phrase “You didn’t know any better”. No, I didn’t. End of story, start a new book and a new chapter.
Do what ever you need to do to leave old habits and feelings in the past. Say you are sorry with your heart and make whatever physical actions you need to do to affirm that. Whether it be saying it out loud to a picture of your old horse, a picture of your younger self and make amends to move forward. Start by making small steps and take it day by day and one item at a time.
Limiting beliefs are ideas or thoughts that we tell ourselves, are told by others or have inherited, that limit our abilities.
If you do not believe you can change your path or pattern, I cannot help you. I can give you every tool and bit of knowledge backed by hard evidence available, but if you tell yourself you can’t, you can’t.
If you tell yourself your horse is a barrel hitter, you will make that happen. You will disregard all of the information that has been given on how to keep the barrel up and put them on a path that will make the barrel come down.
The list is endless on the inaccurate things we can tell ourselves.
If you believe you need to run your horse at top speed to shut off the clock, all the statistical and mathematical information in the world cannot change that, it has to come from yourself first.
You are the thinker of your thoughts and the teller to your brain. You can make a conscious decision on what you do or do not believe, and make a choice on what others tell you about yourself that you believe.
When I go out to ride, I don’t concentrate on the things I did do, I concentrate on what I am going to do and am doing. This helps to focus my thoughts and rewrite my muscle memory.
“It is not my job to please people in life.”
“Be me. There’ll never be anyone else like me.”
The path to change and growth can be bumpy, sometimes it is more like a cha cha ( 2 steps forward & 1 back) but if we keep focused on moving towards what we want, we can achieve our goals.